i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
