It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
