I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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