Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
