I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I got inside last night via doggy door
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
