I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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