tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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