I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize
