this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Terrible idea I love it
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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