my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
