oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
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