When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Randomize
