FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
