I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
BRING THE BAGELS
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
