i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I will be naked everywhere
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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