I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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