look no pants
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
