I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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