Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
