Your face is a jimmy john
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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