you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
