I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
