i'm signing you up for texting rehab
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
