end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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