Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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