The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
