So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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