Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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