What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
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