oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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