...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize