Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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