So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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