I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
