nut hugger
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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