It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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