I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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