I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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