A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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