I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
