Me too!
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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