i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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