HIV tests are more positive than that guy
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Randomize
