it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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