Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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