I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I want to be your penis for a week.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Randomize
