I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
