Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
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