You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
