im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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