I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
