hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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