I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
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