Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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