Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
