she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
