My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
