Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
