You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Randomize
