Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
