I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Don't EVER smell your tampon
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
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