I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
