So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Randomize
