and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
she looked like the before picture.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
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you will always have a special place in my vag
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
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