dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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