I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
