I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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