Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
