Need sex. Gaining weight.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
