come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
