can we get nightvision for the apartment?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
