Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
