Cold hands, warm shart.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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