i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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