I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
