dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
